Spilling the tea… Me and Dudes on Instagram

This is not a whinge. This is just a bit of intrigue. And again, I’m being completely honest. Remember I promised you Id bare my emotional struggles in these emails.

I had a fight with a guy online. He accused me of “attention seeking” this was after I gently let him down- Also known as saying “No” but I keep it polite and non-fussy so we can both move on without bruised egos, but it doesn’t always go as planned.

I put in a boundary, and suddenly I’m enemy number one. The times I choose to stick up for myself after being called names, I end up in some dumb internet fight. The block tool is rarely used with me.

You see, I get requests, all sorts, ranging from the “Can you say my name?” to the more intimate desires, even marriage proposals.

I like to take it in good jest. I figure it’s the territory of being a girl online. And you got to know how to handle it. Quite frankly I’m never offended by requests. I’m more amused by masculine energy from a social perspective and where they choose to waste their strength. Yes waste.

The strain for me only comes when the verbal and hurtful abuse flies because I decline a request. (Usually of the explicit nature) After I decline, they feel entitled to belittle me, call me names, the usual.

And this is why I wish they taught online etiquette.

*Pic 2: Black attire and that feminine, rambling background contrasting. Represents the sound of my music I create.*

But this is Where I get a little mad:

They fail to see I’m not just “a girl” online. I think, “Can’t they see I’m more than just the pretty photos I post??

I think, “Can’t they watch my documentary I made by hand? Or watch my music videos I directed on my Esraa Muse YouTube? or better yet, listen to my Spotify with the songs that I wrote, and laboured over?

BTW: If you're not following my Spotify, please do.

Do it before I blow up.

But….

Sometimes the effort I put into my art feels like it gets drowned out by the mass chorus in my DMs wanting nothing more from me than just candle lit dates and OF links.

Because after the abuse happens, I start to blame myself, I think back and scrutinise every post wondering which one of these images led them to believe I’m a transaction, or an attention seeker. I then delete posts.

*Shooting the “A Dance Til We Die” lyric video.*

Or just embrace it ALL with EDGY SATIRE VIDOES:

The other tendency for me is to be in satire and laugh at my online “Thot” life. So, I do weird things like create this foot fetish video here.

Don’t worry its safe for work

(After having lots of feet requests)

And this video of me eating raw eggs on a beach… as a first date with a guy who is only on CARNIVORRE DIET… think liver king.

You see, if life gives you lusty male lemons make spritzy, satire lemonade. It’s just fuel for my art…. And we all end up having a good time in the finish. Cos God, I need fun in my life. (Just without abuse thanks!)

But this is where I ended my Instagram.

*Christmas Trip to Hamner Springs a week ago in the South Island of NZ. It’s so pretty, I think I could live there.*

So, the update:

Since leaving Instagram I’ve been added to new playlists, increased my music streams got close to 20k views on my TikTok and for the first time had people debating in my comments section, (a big yes!) which leads to more growth. And for the first time I’m respecting myself and appreciating my unique artistry. I don’t care I’m small. I just keep getting better and I want to work harder than ever.

The general sentiment out there among artists right now is that Instagram is yielding a lot lower than it used to. They bury and hide your own posts from your own followers! Sure, you can boost a post. But look at my options of boosting a post in the Meta world.

Here’s an example from my Own metrics:

I have over 10k followers on my Facebook account. These are REAL followers. They all followed me from a video of my song which got over a million views.

But now meta asks me if I would like to promote to my OWN followers!!!! Yes, spend money on those who have already said: I like what she does, they clicked follow and now my videos don’t reach them. It’s all kind of frustrating.

I think it’s greedy from the big tech companies. But we can’t change it, the only way through it is mass reach and consistent output. It is possible. And each person’s “way” of getting there is going to be a unique journey.

I needed to clear my head from Instagram for a few months to help me see! I don’t believe in abandoning social media, but I wanted to focus harder.

Because for those of us who are not nepo babies or don’t have all that parental support which gives that leg up. It’s okay, we get a real “feel” about us. It’s hard to describe but it’s authentic and real. It’s a beauty. A hardy beauty. Like “I’m a good guy but I have a past”- type of grit.

*This month I’ve been busy surfing my local. Here was a perfect little sunset left I caught. Luckily, we had the Go Pro out.*

With all that being said:

Thank you for the love on “Dance till We Die” (both versions of the song full production and stripped)

So, TO CELEBRATE Here is the lyric video, I have quite intense blue eyes and I wanted to put those blue eyes in a valley and see what happens: AND I WOULD BE MUCH APPRECIATED IF YOU GAVE IT A WATCH. It’s the best way to support us growing artists.

We shot the whole video playing make belief. By that I mean, I persuaded the three-year-old that hours of walking through farmland and forest was to find a bright red magical door. We stopped for lunch of sticks, mud, grass and berries under an old oak tree. Stomachs full we could continue on our journey capturing lots of relaxed content.

Watch the lyric video

Anyway, I hope you have a happy Christmas and a Darling New Year!

Much Love always my MUSES!!!!

Here’s a bunch of photos of my happy last few months!